ad infinitum

i think i have always been a little bit in love with her. i should have told her that. i should have told her a lot of things, but i think this was the one thing that could have changed how things worked out between us. i remember feeling that eventually there would be this perfect moment to lay it all down at her feet.

before i knew it, we both grew up, and all that time i had been saving stopped feeling so inexhaustible, stopped being this immutable thing that would always be there when i needed it. as the story goes, that perfect moment never came. looking back, i'm not sure it was ever on its way.

if she read this now, i am sure she would call me an idiot for believing such a moment could possibly exist. she would tell me that everything always runs its course eventually because time can only move in one direction. so regardless of how much faith i put in grand theories of relativity, when it comes to a girl like her, i am pretty sure 'not enough' is the most anyone is ever allowed to have.

in its own brutally unsatisfying way, this leaves things open to the possibility that maybe, one day, she and i might pick up where we left off because i was told once that two points of any given circle are always bound by the forces of nature to converge again and again and again ad infinitum.

however, i have found that when time runs its course, it seems only cynicism disguised as sentimentality remains, and i am unconvinced these equations will ever resolve such a broken geometry.